ubiquitoussingularity:

When people say things like “Straight people aren’t defined by their sexuality, so why should gay people be?” or “Straight people don’t spend every minute thinking about their orientation, so of course gay people don’t!”, there’s this implicit assumption that being gay (or any other LGBT+ experience) should be exactly the same as being straight (or cis).  And like…it’s not?

We live in a world where being straight and cis is seen as normal. 
So when someone mentions something heteronormative or cisnormative, of course it’s going to remind you that you don’t fit into those boxes, and you’re going to spend time thinking about it, and eventually you might start to feel like that part of you is just one of your fundamental qualities.  It’s inevitable in the midst of current societal structures, and it’s something that cis straight people never have to experience.  So who are they to say that we shouldn’t think about our identities more than they do?

And all of this is rooted in homophobia and transphobia too, because there’s also an implication that we’re not allowed to be defined by our identities, like they’re Dirty and Other and Weird and we’re not
supposed to like being defined by them.  We’re supposed to be ashamed of them until cis hets tell us it’s okay to be that way.  It’s almost like they’re saying
“It’s okay, I’ll respect you in spite of your orientation/gender,” instead of just respecting every part of us because we’re, you know, people.

So let’s challenge that idea, because there’s nothing wrong with embracing who you are, even if it makes you “different.”  It’s okay if you feel like you’re defined by your orientation and/or gender, or if you feel like those things are one of the most important parts of you.  It’s okay if you think about your orientation and/or gender frequently.  It’s okay if you feel like you experience your orientation and/or gender differently than cis straight people do.  It’s okay if the experience of your orientation and/or gender just makes you feel “different” from other people.  Because the fact is, you’re not cis het…and you’re allowed to be that way and experience the feelings that come along with it.