unpretty:

wittyobscureusername:

unpretty:

the other day i explained to my mom my low-effort frozen pizza techniques and she looked like i’d revealed to her the location of the ark of the covenant

Ok but what are your secrets. My depressed ass wants to know.

now that i have explained it i feel dumb bc this is some Basic Shit probably but i am telling myself that at least one person might find it useful

STEP ONE get your designated pizza pan, which might look kind of shitty but which is definitely clean i promise, i’m sure i could soak it in the super-fancy bleach dawn to make those weird stains go away but that’s effort

STEP TWO cover it in foil bc obvs

STEP THREE cover it in pizza, but save the cardboard. i actually find it easiest to put the whole plastic-wrapped thing on top of the pan and then cut the plastic off and slide the cardboard out from under it, because then there isn’t, like, stray cheese going everywhere. it all stays in the foil safety zone of no cleaning. if your pizza does not come with cardboard under it then just turn the box it came in inside-out and use that instead when the time comes. rearranging your pepperonis for more even distribution and later ease of slicing is optional. sometimes i add even more cheese bc i am a monster.

STEP FOUR cook your pizza. there are no pictures of this step. consult your oven and/or box.

STEP FIVE once the pizza is out of the oven, lift the foil off the edge of the pan. then slide the cardboard you saved underneath the foil, but on top of the pan.

get it right underneath the pizza. it won’t burn or anything, it’s fine.

STEP SIX slice your pizza without having to worry about cutting through the foil and getting grease everywhere, or scratching your pan, or dulling the blade, or whatever. also if the pizza stuck to the foil at all it’s fine because you’re not trying to peel it off until it’s sliced, and slices are way easier to dislodge.

STEP SEVEN eat some pizza. there are no pictures of this step. consult your mouth, with pizza.

STEP EIGHT once you’re done you can kind of… stack any remaining pizza slices, and wrap them in the foil. this mostly works if you got a big pizza and needed multiple layers of foil, since you can double up on anything that tore. if you got a small pizza you probably won’t have leftovers anyway. this step is pretty optional. also keeping the crust on the outside makes things neater, in my experience.

STEP NINE fold up the cardboard using the convenient lines you cut into it and throw it in the trash. don’t try to recycle pizza cardboard. the recycling plant does not want your pizza grease.

now you can put your still clean, if still shitty looking, pan right back into the drawer or cupboard or whatever where it belongs. your kitchen is clean, you are full of pizza, and all you had to wash was the plate you ate off of instead of going through the goddamn ordeal of trying to wash a pizza pan in a tiny baby sink.

LIFEHAX