Whenever you think life is too normal, just remember there was a version of Phantom of the Opera where the Phantom was raised by rats with telepathic powers.
Oh my god, I hate that I know what you’re talking about. Wikipedia is a cruel mistress
I think my favorite line from the movie may be “I’M NOT A PHANTOM, I’M A RAT.” If you haven’t seen it– well, don’t if you have a rat phobia, but do if you love bad bad BAD movies!
Above image is literally a still from the movie where the phantom shoves rats down his pants. I wish I was kidding; this stupid movie scarred me for life and I have seen some messed up movies!
How the hell does this even work? What’s his deformation, the fact that he was raised by rats or some crap?
He has no physical deformation whatsoever. His parents dumped him in a sewer when he was a baby and the rats raised him as one of their own. Despite this, he has a perfect command of the English language, shaves, and wears clothes. He contacts Christine with telepathic powers he learned from the rats (I am not making that up). He doesn’t teach her to sing. He sniffs her and literally says, “YOUR FEMALE SMELLLLL REMINDS ME OF THE ROLLING OCEAN,” like creepy af!
That’s not even getting into the other weird junk in this movie: Raoul looks like Prince for some reason, the Phantom threatens to carve off Carlotta’s boobs if she doesn’t step down from the lead role of Romeo et Juliette, weird brothel/Turkish bath scene, there are these two steampunk rat catchers, these drunk treasure hunters that the Phantom kills horribly, the most disgusting sex scenes this side of The Room, bad dubbing, and a hilariously violent ending. Like it is a miracle of bad storytelling.
You can’t forget about the Phantom’s WTF rooftop hallucinations (?) of naked guys caught in a mouse trap and Christine wearing seaweed or Christine’s sassy maid hitting a chair over a guy’s head (what I wouldn’t give to have been a fly on the wall for the entire shoot of the film).
And of course one of the best line reads in all of film history: “ZE PHANTOM’S WHORE!!!”
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