heathers characters as john mulaney quotes

veronica: you have the moral backbone of a chocolate eclair
jd: anyone who’s seen my dick and met my parents needs to die
chandler: sometimes babies will point at me, and i don’t care for that shit at all
duke: i’m sorry about last night, it’s just that i’m mean and loud
mcnamara: why do people shush animals? they’ve never spoken
martha: 13 year olds are the meanest people in the world, they scare me to this day
kurt: and i had that thought…that only blackout drunks…and steve urkel can have…”did i do that?”
ram: for years, scientists have wondered, “can you make grown men and women weep tears of joy by playing tom jones’ ‘it’s not unusual’?”, and the answer is YES YOU CAN
ms. fleming: i look like i was just sitting in a room in a chair eating saltines for like 28 years