“things that have actually happened to me” prompts

breeeliss:

• i was really drunk and i saw this really huge, beefy football player sitting on a bench and crying. so i went into the bushes, gave him a flower, and we talked until he felt better. he gave me his number and said “call me if you ever want to vent too.”
• i was at a straight bar and made friends with this gorgeous girl who i thought was straight. turns out she was a lesbian who was filthy rich and took me back to her place
• bonus: she called me the next morning to take me out to brunch and take me on a $500 shopping spree as an “early birthday present”
• sugar mama au?
• i went on a date with a boy who had plans to take me to dinner and drinks. but he lost his wallet at a pizza place so we just walked around the neighborhood, sat in the park and talked. he was super embarrassed. 
• bonus: three hours later, a guy fb messages him saying he found his wallet! so we bonded for hours and still got to have a late dinner and drinks!
• i was at another party and was kindly asked by a fratbro to hold his snapback while he tried to show proper wrestling form using a tree as his opponent. idk if he did it right, but when he was done he gave me the biggest shit eating grin and said “you’re cool man. keep the hat.”
• during finals my friends and i got so stressed out we just put our speakers on full blast and started dancing on the furniture to “feliz navidad.” it was may. 
• my roommate and i came back to our dorm and found a huge waterbug on our sink. so we both locked ourselves in the closet and called public safety in a state of panic to come kill the bug. 
• bonus: they actually came. it took three men to kill it. 
• my friend decided to throw a beach-themed birthday party and, despite my protests, also decided to give live goldfish out as party favors. so in the midst of the party while everyone was getting drunk and dancing, my roommates and i stole all the fish and hoarded them in our rooms. and that’s how i became the mother to seventeen goldfish. 
• a boy that i met in my psych lecture asked me out on a date so i said sure. the date took place in his room and it consisted mostly of me sitting on his bed and listening while he talked about himself. at one point, he went into his closet to look for a souvenir he picked up from brussels, so i got up, stole his tequila bottle, and left.