Aries: “And you replied, “Hey, do you want me to kill that guy for you? Because it sounds like he totally sucks and I will totally kill that guy for you.”
Taurus: “She said,“You can make fun of me, just don’t say that I’m a bitch and that you don’t like me.” I was like “Whoa, the bar is so much lower than I ever imagined, that’s it?!”
Gemini: “I’ve never really cared about politics. But then, last November, the craziest thing happened.”
Cancer: “I was raised to be nice to everyone in every situation because you never know their story. A lot of people don’t seem that nice and they seem to be doing fine in the world.”
Leo: “I lived like a goddamn ninja turtle.”
Virgo: “I was in Connecticut recently, doing white people stuff.”
Libra: “Like years later, I’d be in college about to go down on this rocking twink and I’d be like, “Wait a second…what would Leonard Bernstein do?”
Scorpio: “I was like top three colleges? I thought I’d be dead in a trunk with my hand hanging out of the taillight by now.”
Sagittarius: “Oh, you mean like having friends?”
Capricorn: “College was like a four-year game show called Do My Friends Hate Me or Do I Just Need to Go to Sleep? But instead of winning money, you lose $120,000.”
Aquarius: “My dad is so weird. I’d love to meet him someday.”
Pisces: “She’s my hero. When I walk down the street, I need everybody, all day long, to like me so much. It’s exhausting.”
Signs as Kid Gorgeous Quotes
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