thedeannatizer:

Harry Potter Characters as John Mulaney Quotes

Harry Potter: You know those days where you’re like, “This might as well happen.”

Ron Weasley: McDonalds! McDonalds! McDonalds!

Hermione Granger: You have the moral backbone of a chocolate eclair.

Luna Lovegood: Why do people shush animals? They’ve never spoken.

Neville Longbottom: You remember being twelve, when you’re like, “No one look at me or I’ll kill myself.”

Ginny Weasley: Fuck da police.

Fred & George Weasley: We put in $7 and selected 21 plays of Tom Jones’s, “What’s New, Pussycat?”

Draco Malfoy: No, that’s the thing I’m sensitive about!

Minerva McGonagall: One black coffee.

Severus Snape: I’ll keep all of my emotions right here, and then one day, I’ll die.

Albus Dumbledore: Ahhh!! One feels like a duck splashing around in all this wet! And when one feels like a duck, one is happy!

Lord Voldemort: BECAUSE IT’S THE ONE THING YOU CAN’T REPLACE.