you know, i can totally believe like, half the college stories i’ve heard, just from one day

for example, here are some choice quotes from one of yesterday’s classes:

“Look at this puppy. Look at this poor little puppy. He’s dying. Save him. …And that’s why we need tax reform.”

“They’re like, ‘YOU NEVER TAKE OUT THE FUCKING GARBAGE!’, and you’re like, ‘Oh, it’s about the garbage.’”
“Why the fuck is there a baby in the road? Just pick up the baby!”
“’Imagine a world of thought!’ It’s like, no. What the fuck are you saying?”

And, my personal favorite:

(about the textbook) “I’m gonna put this next to the trash where it belongs.”