Sometimes fanfiction is a love letter to the original canon, sometimes it’s just that one telegram that says “Fuck you. Strongly worded letter to follow”.
The bitterest satire can’t keep up with plain vanilla reality right now.
We are living in the dystopian future
Look up the phrase “astroturfing”. It’s things like this, where corporations create fake movements that appear, at first glance, to be grassroots (hence the name) in order to trick people into buying into their causes/voting in favor of their interests. It’s absolutely some dystopian capitalist bs.
Okay but if I’m gonna reblog this I need to tell you guys the story of this legendary pachirisu
So in the competitive Pokemon scene, there’s what’s called a ‘metagame’, which is what’s generally used and what is/isn’t allowed in competitive battling. Certain pokemon are banned from the ‘meta’ because of being too powerful. Others aren’t generally used because there are better alternatives, or they’re simply too weak. People base their entire strategies around the expectation that they’ll be facing certain pokemon, and attempt to counter them with certain pokemon.
But the problem with this meta is, during the 2014 World Championships, there were a small number of pokemon choices that everybody had. Gardevoir, Kangeskhan, Salamence, Tyranitar, Talonflame, Garchomp… the same pokemon coming up again and again. Things weren’t really all that interesting.
And then came the Double Battle World Championship. And this guy.
Park Se Jun. One of the best players in the world. He used a Pachirisu with Nuzzle (a move with 100% paralysis chance), Super Fang (cuts target’s HP in half) and Follow Me (a move that redirects attacks AWAY from allied pokemon), and equipped with a recently-buffed Sitrus Berry. And he turned the metagame on its head, because nobody in the championships had prepared for anything outside their incredibly restrictive expectations.
Their strategies and planning were completely tripped up by an electric squirrel. Battling his Pachirisu in incredibly tight synergy with the rest of his team, Park Se Jun swept the finals and became World Champion of 2014 Doubles.
And that is the story of the #BASED GOD PACHIRISU.
there’s more to it than this; it’s not just that people weren’t prepared for things they weren’t expecting, it’s that pachirisu’s stats were perfectly suited for countering major players in the meta. it’s special defense in particular, because in combination with sitrus berry its SpD (in combination with the SpA reduction on draco meteor) allowed it to survive two choice specs draco meteors from salamence in a row, something few pokemon could do. so what really happened was Park Se Jun was analyzing the meta on a level far above the rest of the field, considering pokemon others weren’t even looking at to find counters for the most common and powerful pokemon
i feel bad for regular night vale citizens who turn on the radio and some guy’s just talking about how great his crush/boyfriend/husband is.
can i get the news? CAN I PLEASE GET THE NEWS?
cecil: for those of you who have been writing in telling me to ‘not talk about my husband all the time’ and to focus on the ‘news’ i would like to express my confusion. you don’t seem to understand that the most worthwhile ‘news’ in this town is my husband.
ruby-dear archive 