Author: queenofstardust

edgebug:

spicy-vagina-tacos:

huntingwabbits:

the Mickey Mouse shorts are golden I don’t care who you are I’ve been laughing at this clip for days

WHUHAPUN

mickey is 100% willing to trip over a dwarf too just bc his girl did. mickey mouse is ride or die for his wife its heartwarming

thedeannatizer:

Harry Potter Characters as John Mulaney Quotes

Harry Potter: You know those days where you’re like, “This might as well happen.”

Ron Weasley: McDonalds! McDonalds! McDonalds!

Hermione Granger: You have the moral backbone of a chocolate eclair.

Luna Lovegood: Why do people shush animals? They’ve never spoken.

Neville Longbottom: You remember being twelve, when you’re like, “No one look at me or I’ll kill myself.”

Ginny Weasley: Fuck da police.

Fred & George Weasley: We put in $7 and selected 21 plays of Tom Jones’s, “What’s New, Pussycat?”

Draco Malfoy: No, that’s the thing I’m sensitive about!

Minerva McGonagall: One black coffee.

Severus Snape: I’ll keep all of my emotions right here, and then one day, I’ll die.

Albus Dumbledore: Ahhh!! One feels like a duck splashing around in all this wet! And when one feels like a duck, one is happy!

Lord Voldemort: BECAUSE IT’S THE ONE THING YOU CAN’T REPLACE.

Hogwarts Classes as John Mulaney Quotes

wolfstarismyhorcrux:

if-youre-not-a-dog-then-leave:

Care of Magical Creatures: You need to show dominance over your puppy.

Defense Against the Dark Arts: STREET SMARTS!

Potions: I grabbed it, drank all of it, and said “It’s perfume.”

Flying: Cars were pulling up and looking over to see who just did that piece of shit move, expecting to see like a hundred-year-old blind dog, who’s texting while driving and drinking a smoothie. Instead they see a 28-year-old healthy man trying his best.

Transfiguration: This is an on fire garbage can. Could be a nursery.

History of Magic: That’s like when your gram would be like, “We’d all go play jacks down at the soda fountain!” and you’re like, “No one knows what you’re talking about, you IDIOT.”

Muggle Studies: “I think Emily Dickinson’s a lesbian.” And they’re like, “Partial credit.”

Frog Choir: So we put in seven dollars and selected 21 plays of Tom Jones’ “What’s new pussycat”

@captofthesswolfstar

smallest-feeblest-boggart:

gallusrostromegalus:

youeitherskateoryoudie:

28-larry:

youeitherskateoryoudie:

i hate when ur in public somewhere and something goes mildly wrong/something inconvenient happens and the nearest baby boomer tries to get you to complain with them

what does this even mean

EXAMPLE:

you are in line at mcdonalds. its really busy and the employees are overwhelmed. it’s taking a long time. you are minding your own business. the old man in line next to you says to you, “boy, this is absolutely ridiculous, isn’t it? these kids working just dont know what they’re doing. Or they just dont care…” you awkwardly nod and take a step to the side

This has probably been said a million times before but:  Defend the employees.

Really, you’re never going to see Karen from Stubenville again in your life, so side-eye her real good and say:

“It’s not thier fault they’re understaffed. Having worked retail before, they’d love to have another three or five people back there helping out.  But since the whole ‘downsizing’ craze of the ninties, companies try to get as much out of thier employees as possible without regard for thier welfare, or the effect on service.  You should really get on McD’s website and complain about the chronic understaffing and tell them you’re willing to pay more elsewhere for better service.  They LISTEN to people like you.”

People love to complain, especially entitled people.  The good news is that they’re easily redirected with mild praise and a shiny new target.  Butter the elders and aim them at the bourgoise.

aim them at the bourgeoisie