me in like, 2014: wow earthbound and the other mother games are super interesting!!! i love them so much i wanna see what i can find about the original version of mother 3!!!
Somehow in 2018, men still feel entitled to tell women to smile, even while speaking on the record. Greg Rickford, the PC MPP for Kenora-Rainy River, interrupted a reporter who was interviewing him today by telling her to smile. The reporter, Marieke Walsh, says he walked away when she later asked him why he told her to smile.
tbh queer romance is held to a much higher standard than het romance like a man can cry over another man, be close to another man, protect another man repeatedly, give up everything for another man, and there will still be people saying that a romantic interpretation is “completely baseless” and “it’s great that platonic love can be so strong” and “don’t erase friendship, i’d do all that for my friends!”
but then a man and a woman share a pencil and suddenly romance is alive
a gay couple: *exists*
t h o s e people: they’re just friends! clearly
a guy and a girl: *are actually just friends*
t h o s e people: you guys are dating, right? you’re clearly in love. ofc you’re dating, c’mon it’s so obvious lol
This is the perfect pet for people who want to keep a small container of water with something pretty in it. Even though it’s a plant and not a fish, it’s way cuter than a sad, cramped betta- and less maintenance, too. A marimo is perfect for that pretty aesthetic or your college dorm room. Want a mason jar aquarium? A marimo will be perfectly happy in there. Want a fishbowl with pretty rocks? Get a marimo, or even a few of them! I can’t overstate how wonderful and cute marimo are.
Reblogging this here in case anyone wants to see literally the only pet that can be humanely kept in a mason jar or a fish bowl.
where do TV shows get this idea that high school is constant drama, nothing even fucking happened to me in high school
I’m now remembering that my school got a slurpee machine and then had to get rid of it two weeks later after someone poured toxic chemicals into it that they stole from the science lab in an attempt to poison the entire cheerleading squad so like, maybe I was just boring
where do TV shows get this idea that high school is emotional drama, it’s all chemical warfare and espionage
I remember two boys had a fist fight over an elastic band ball and one broke their nose, I mean they were good friends though it was v confusing
Gary: “‘Cause he never forgets a bitch, ever.”
Ritchie: “I don’t look like someone who used to do anything. I look like I was sitting in a room with a chair eating saltines for 28 years and then walked right out here.”
Drew: “I have a girlfriend now myself, which is weird because I’m probably gay based on the way I act and behave and have walked and talked for 28 years.”
Harley: “Anyone who has seen my dick and met my parents needs to die.”
Solidad: “Adult life is already so goddamn weird.”
Paul: “I’ll keep all my emotions right here, and then one day I’ll die.”
Barry: “For those of you who don’t know what it is, blackout drinking is when your brain goes to sleep but your body gets all ‘Eye of the Tiger’ and soldiers on.”
Kenny: “I’m one of the worst drivers I’ve ever seen. People expect to see a 100-year-old blind man who’s texting while driving. Instead they just see a 28-year-old healthy man trying his best.”
Zoey: “Then, for backstory, I will pepper in the fact that I am gay.”
Conway: “You spend most of your day telling a robot that you’re not a robot. Think about that for two minutes and tell me that you don’t want to walk into the ocean.”
Ursula: “Aww, I love how you just wear anything.”
Trip: “Get out of here with your facts. You’re like the kid at the sleepover who, after midnight, is like, ‘It’s tomorrow now.’ Get out of here with your technicalities. Just because you’re accurate doesn’t mean you’re interesting.”
Georgia: “Yeah, he was not a ‘spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down’ kind of guy. He was more like, ‘Brush your teeth. Now, boom, orange juice. That’s life.'”
Burgundy: “I’m like an iphone, it’s going to be worse versions of this every year.”
Stephan: “You know those days when you’re like, ‘This might as well happen’?”
Bianca: “You ever zone out for a few seconds? Well, I’ve been zoned out since 2014. All day long I just wander into traffic listening to a podcast while thinking about a different podcast.”
Alain: “When I’m walking down the street, I don’t think anybody goes, ‘Hey, look at that man.’ They’re just like, ‘Whoa, that tall child looks terrible!'”
Sawyer: “My vibe is more like, ‘Hey, you could pour soup in my lap, and I’ll probably apologize to you.”
Shauna: “Nothing that I know can help you with your car ever. Unless you’re like, ‘Hey, I’ve got a flat tire, does anyone here know a lot about the Cosby Show’?”
Gladion: “Like I bet you part of the reason goths are so miserable is they wake up every morning and think, ‘Oh god, I gotta put all that shit back on.'”
This is a parody comic I made for myself to hand out at SDCC2018 and isn’t official so don’t sweat the small stuff!
Many thanks to ghostdigits for her help. She is my spell checker extraordinaire and listened to me bounce ideas around in the eleventh hour while I worried if I ever knew anything about comedy in the first place. Hahaha…haha….aaa.… go, fight, win/finish a comic!
some dudes like to talk a big game about how comedy suffers when people are afraid to offend but man, Mitch Hedberg was a white dude working in the era of peak offensive edgelord and his shit holds the fuck up so while most comedians will never come up with anything as timeless as “if carrots got you drunk, rabbits would be fucked up” they could at least make an effort
Every McDonald’s commercial ends the same way, right? “Prices and participation may vary.” I wanna open a McDonald’s and not participate in anything. I wanna be a stubborn McDonald’s owner. I’ll say “Cheeseburgers? Nope. We got spaghetti! And blankets! We are not affiliated with that clown.”
Every book is a children’s book if the kid can read.
I would like to have a product that was available for three easy payments and one fuckin’ complicated payment. We can’t tell you which payment it is, but one of these payments is gonna be a bitch! The mailman will get shot to death, the envelope will not seal, and the stamp will be in the wrong denomination! Good luck, fucker! That last payment must be made in wampum!
Hey, if you wanna talk to me after the show, I’ll be… fuckin’ surprised.
This shirt is “dry-clean only”… Which means it’s dirty.
One time, this guy handed me a picture of him, he said “Here’s a picture of me when I was younger.” Every picture is of you when you were younger. “Here’s a picture of me when I’m older.” “You son-of-a-bitch! How’d you pull that off? Lemme see that camera… What’s it look like? ”
An escalator can never break, it can only become stairs. You would never see an “Escalator Temporarily Out Of Order” sign, just “Escalator Temporarily Stairs. Sorry for the convenience.
I play golf. I’m not good at golf, I never got good. I never got a hole-in-one. But I did hit a guy. And that’s way more satisfying. You’re supposed to yell “Fore!” but I was too busying mumbling “There ain’t no way that’s gonna hit him.”
When you’re in Hollywood and you’re a comedian, everybody wants you to do other things besides comedy. They say “All right you’re a stand up comedian, can you act? Can you write? Write us a script.” They want me to do things that’s related to comedy, but it’s not comedy. That’s not fair. It’s as though if I was a cook, and I worked my ass off to become a good cook, and they said “All right you’re a cook… can you farm?”
– “Rice is great when you’re you’re hungry and you want 10,000 of something”
– “Tennis is depressing because no matter how good you get, you will never be as good as a wall”
– “I order the club sandwich all the time, but I’m not even a member, man. I don’t know how I get away with it”
What if everyone in the US who makes under a living wage just… didn’t show up to work for 1 day.
Just 1 day.
No big march or loud protests that seem to be getting ignored lately.
Instead you stay home and don’t go to work.
Take it a step further and don’t buy anything either.
Can you imagine the chaos??
The 1% and ‘upper middle class’ wakes up for their morning Starbucks/drive through/ gas station/ breakfast run only to find the doors have not been opened yet?
People rushing from business to business, completely confused and upset because there is no one there to serve them?
PR reps for corporations panicking because they can’t just say “they didn’t show up because we refuse to pay them enough to live” that would tank the company. And what are they going to do? Fire everyone? There would be no one to replace that many people because it’s not like the upper classes would condescend to work a “low skill, entry level, job meant for teenagers”
CEOs and shareholders losing shares and billions of dollars because their greed singlehandedly ruined the company.
ruby-dear archive 