“things that have actually happened to me” prompts

breeeliss:

i was really drunk and i saw this really huge, beefy football player sitting on a bench and crying. so i went into the bushes, gave him a flower, and we talked until he felt better. he gave me his number and said “call me if you ever want to vent too.”

i was at a straight bar and made friends with this gorgeous girl who i thought was straight. turns out she was a lesbian who was filthy rich and took me back to her place

bonus: she called me the next morning to take me out to brunch and take me on a $500 shopping spree as an “early birthday present”

~~sugar mama au?~~

i went on a date with a boy who had plans to take me to dinner and drinks. but he lost his wallet at a pizza place so we just walked around the neighborhood, sat in the park and talked. he was super embarrassed.

bonus: three hours later, a guy fb messages him saying he found his wallet! so we bonded for hours and still got to have a late dinner and drinks!

i was at another party and was kindly asked by a fratbro to hold his snapback while he tried to show proper wrestling form using a tree as his opponent. idk if he did it right, but when he was done he gave me the biggest shit eating grin and said “you’re cool man. keep the hat.”

during finals my friends and i got so stressed out we just put our speakers on full blast and started dancing on the furniture to “feliz navidad.” it was may.

my roommate and i came back to our dorm and found a huge waterbug on our sink. so we both locked ourselves in the closet and called public safety in a state of panic to come kill the bug.

bonus: they actually came. it took three men to kill it.

my friend decided to throw a beach-themed birthday party and, despite my protests, also decided to give live goldfish out as party favors. so in the midst of the party while everyone was getting drunk and dancing, my roommates and i stole all the fish and hoarded them in our rooms. and that’s how i became the mother to seventeen goldfish.

a boy that i met in my psych lecture asked me out on a date so i said sure. the date took place in his room and it consisted mostly of me sitting on his bed and listening while he talked about himself. at one point, he went into his closet to look for a souvenir he picked up from brussels, so i got up, stole his tequila bottle, and left.

tallestkin:

reblog this post and put in the tags what color you think vermillion is. don’t look it up!

Vernon Dursley: Spends the first 60 pages going on about how wizards “aren’t like you and me.”
Also Vernon Dursley: *Assumes wizards follow such an inanely muggle rule as “no post on Sundays.”

rooby:

rooby:

rooby:

rooby:

guys i found something revolutionary

i found the site where the arcades get their prizes

it’s like the childhood holy grail you can get these

for 9 cents a piece

THE BOYS ARE BACK IN TOWN

hey guyz guysz did you ever find yourself lost in the woods and lie. just. wish you brought 144 compasses?

campaignagainstcliche:

roger that

weavemama:

MY LIFE IN A NUTSHELL

astrogiveafuck:

Draw my wife Bloom
God Some fucking good girl

theadamantdaughter:

bittersweetnolonger:

reblog this if your icon could kill a man

E A S I L Y

procrastimonium:

please be aware of all the ways autistic people are actively dehumanized, including

-acting like it would be better off for everyone if we didn’t exist

-being trained to obey, and punished for saying no

-using ‘worked with children with autism’ in a similar way to ‘worked with dogs’

-assuming we don’t have meaningful friendships that aren’t born of a neurotypical pitying us

-assuming we don’t have romantic relationships

-assuming we don’t have sex drives

-debating if it is ethical to allow autistic kids to be born

-denying the existence of autistic adults

-debating whether it is better to have an autistic child, or risk your child dying of a life-threatening disease

-silencing our voices in conversations about us

-treating us like a science experiment

-comparing autistic people to animals

-using terms like ‘put out of their misery’ when describing our murders

-justifying our abuse and torture

-etc, etc

airyairyquitecontrary:

indigobluerose:

thathighclassbitch:

tienriu:

katiekomics:

euphrates75:

No harm to any religion. It’s just a lamp ads by an Australian company. However, it’s funny!

I’m going to cry 😂😂

Ahaha, the reason why Mohammad is specifically mentioned as not being able to be there is because in Islam, portrayals and portraits of Mohammad are forbidden. But they didn’t want to be seen as either hand waving him as at the table but not shown or as explicitly omitted.

Very smart move there advertising script writers.

This is so wholesome

was that last dude a frikkin Jedi

In Australia more than 70,000 people (0.37%) declared themselves members of the Jedi order in the 2001 census. Now granted, many of them were taking the piss but that is if nothing else a lot of piss-takers. An even greater percentage of the New Zealand population self-identified as Jedi in the 2001 census – 1.5%, which to put it in perspective is 0.3% more than said they were Buddhists. We’re due for another census this year (the normal five year pattern got thrown off by the Canterbury earthquake in 2011 so the most recent one was 2013) and due to popular demand it appears that on the new forms, there will actually be a box you can mark for Jedi, rather than it being a write-in option. (They’re also going to include things like identifying more denominations of Christianity and Judaism and more recently formed systems like Falun Gong, but obviously it’s the Jedi who make for a fun headline.)

So including a Jedi at the table of religious figures reflects an actual cultural (if not sincerely religious) phenomenon in this part of the world.