roleplaymemes-ahoy:

Part 1: New In Town

30 to choose from, come may contain foul language. 

1. “I was hoping that by now I’d look older, but it didn’t happen.”
2. “Whoa, that tall child looks terrible.” 
3. “I always thought that quick sand was going to be a much bigger problem than it turned out to be.”
4. “I think I’m becoming more like my mom.”
5. “People always sush animals.” 
6. “Thirteen-year-olds are the meanest people in the world.”
7. “No! That’s I;m sensitive about!” 
8. “I once was on the telephone with Blockbuster Video…” 
9. “When people get mad at me it’s my fault.” 
10. “It’s wrong to make fun of people, but it’s so fun sometimes.” 
11. “I don’t like robots thinking of things.” 
12. “It’s easier to do nothing than it is to do something.” 
13. “That guy’s a bozo.” 
14. “I’m trying to in general take better care of myself.” 
15. “You ordered your food an hour ago, it should be here by now.” 
16. “NNOOoo!” 
17. “Life is a fucking nightmare.” 
18. “Whats that? Over there! Don’t do that!”
19. “I’m really sorry about last night, it’s just that I’m mean and loud.” 
20. “Here’s a story I once heard about me [Insert story here]” 
21. “Alright, let’s go over there and destroy the place.”
22. “We were like dogs without horses, we were running wild.” 
23. “FUCK DA POLICE!” 
24. “I’ve never climbed a fence that high before.”
25. “No” (You know like a liar) 
26. “Did I do that?” 
27. “Why? Why do you do this?” 
28. “I am often wrong.” 
29. “Could you help me out? I am very gay, I would like a few dollars.” 
30. “No, it’s okay I was lying.” 

happylilprompts:

• “Hey guys, I’m here and I’m ready to bitch.”
• “The five stages of grief; denial, anger, bargaining, Seinfeld reruns and acceptance.”
• “When Michael sang ‘Smooth Criminal’, he was actually singing about me.”
• “Stupid beats boring.”
• “You lay a finger on Dr. Dino and I’ll end you.”
• “That’s it, I’m ready to go solo.”
• “Alright, I’m leaving without you.”
• “I shouldn’t have eaten that.” “Why?” “I’m allergic.” “WHAT!?”
• “That kid has like, 1000 times more class than me.”
• *shouting* “I swear I won’t tell anyone her about the time I saw you *embarrassing thing*”
• “I can’t tell you how many times I’ve almost killed someone. 12.”
• “Here’s a hint: I’m not telling you.”
• “Look, I care about you.” “Really?!”
• “You have beautiful eyes.” “Complimenting me won’t distract me from the fire, A.”
• “Alright, I’m gonna go cry.”
• “Kicking it doesn’t help!”
• “You killed Dr. Jones!” “For the last time your Indiana Jones figurine was not alive to begin with! I bought you a new one!” “It wasn’t the same!”
• “That’s not what they say!”
• “Are you still looking at the moon!?”
• “You poor children.“
• “Don’t be fooled, I’m the epitome of a mess.“
• “Success is more important than human contact and love and hugs and…“ “…is that why you’re crying?”
• “If you don’t stop procrastinating I’m going to kick your ass into action.“
• “We get it!“
• “Hey, I just wanted to check if you’re okay, you’ve been listening to SexyBack on repeat for an hour.“

happylilprompts:

“It’s a beautiful day to question everything.”


“… and I’m not even going to try.”


“Is this what I’ve become?”


“Afternoon, zombies.”


“I have a question… why?”


“From whom is the spewing volcano?”


“Honey, I’m homeless!”


“Fight me. Wait no, I didn’t think you’d actually take up on that!”


“You said, and I quote; I have an addiction to knowledge.”!“


"A hero of my dreams is someone who makes me lasagna.”

“You and your stupid idea!”


“Trust me when I say I’ve been here before.”


“Under all that lameness there’s a tiny dot of cool in you. Very tiny. Microscopic, really.”

“It’s 5:30 and I’m eating lunch.”

“Why am I here?”

“Oh, this is going to be so embarrassing, I can’t wait.”

“Expiration dates are more like guidelines, right?”

“I’m calling it, he’s going to die.”

“I like my to have my coffee like I like to have you; always by my side.“

“DO. NOT. BURN. THE. MONEY.“

“Shake what you got. Wait, I mean the- no don’t stop!“

“This is sad.“ “This is your life?” “I’m aware, cupcake.”

“How do you find my moves?”

the-self-proclaimed-prince:

• “Just read this fucker and take it to court.”
  
• “Tone down your depositions, A-hole.” 
  
• “He may be a buffoon and a fool, but by God he was innocent.”
  
• *grumble grumble* “Sexist bastards.” 
  
• “I don’t want to come into work without teeth!”
  
• “That asshole better stop fucking with my client or else I’m gonna…”
  
• “There are only two pears left. I’m naming them Adam and Eve.”
  
• “Organic seaweed? What the hell is organic seaweed?”
  
• “You asking me fishing?… fuck YES I’m there!”
  
• “When the weather gets hot, I just step out on my back porch and pour water over my head for an hour or two. Works every time.”
  
• “He is an artist. Use of Comic Sans in legal documents is his creative outlet.”
  
• “Throw some Wingdings on that shit.”
  
• “What does a person have to do to get a fucking cob salad around here?” 
  
• “I’m trying to decide if I should go insane and body-pump or go home and sleep.”
  
• “You can’t just ring a bell, un-ring it, and then ring it again.”
  
• “We lost. We lost big time. But it’s okay. I’m good. It’s cool. I’ve got whiskey. I’m good.”
  
• *applying lipstick to go to the gym* “What kind of a crazy woman wears lipstick to the gym??”
  
• “Are you going to shut up and FISH today?” 
  
• “Do you know of any pet friendly cafes? I’m meeting an attorney tomorrow and he’ll have his non-service hunting dog along. Don’t ask why.”
  
• “Publicly, I agree. Personally, I think it’s chickenshit.”
  
• “Keto diet? Is that like for chemo? Ohmygod do you have cancer?!??”
  
• “I don’t have a circle on mine. Where’s my circle?”
  
• “Don’t judge my printouts. Paper is a renewable resource.”
  
• “The stapler has been compromised.” 
  
• “You know that one case? The one with the person from the company whose doing some crazy stuff?”
  
• “I wasn’t fishing. I was lawyer-ing. Much less exciting.”
  
• “For a priest, he’s kind of an asshole.”
  
• “Brownies and bourbon? Sounds like my kinda party!”
  
• “I got a bottle of whiskey calling my name so I may not be back here tomorrow morning or ever.”