Facts that adults don’t tell you about bullying
– Communication doesn’t work on bullies. Telling a bully they’re making you feel bad is the wrong way to go. They want to make you feel bad. That’s the point.
– being kind to a bully doesn’t always mean they’ll stop. Sometimes it means they’ll just use your kindness to manipulate you while still continuing to bully you.
– not every bully has a sympathetically tragic home life. Sometimes people are just mean. Sometimes people just get off on hurting others.
– on that note, a tough home life is a reason, not an excuse. You don’t have to put up with bullying because somebody’s life sucks, just like you don’t have to let someone mug you because they’re broke.
– in order to forgive someone, they have to apologize first. If your bully has not apologized to you, you do not owe them anything.
– getting bullied as a kid can still mess you up in adult life. Maybe kids grow out of being bullies, but the marks they left often don’t go away.
– there are ways to get people to stop bullying you, but they almost all involve being mean back.
– as long as parents keep raising shitty bullying kids, there will be bullies. No amount of assemblies and hand-drawn posters will fix the problem. It’s the parents’ fault.
– It’s not your responsibility to fix your bully or to stop the abuse they send your way, but some adults sure will act like it is.
Tag: bullying
Things only bullied kids will understand
-Beliving that none of your friends actually want to be your friend and they hate being near you
-Hating normal things because they were used to mock you
-Having to seek constant validation for your existance
-Remembering particular insults you’ve been called for years and will probably never forget them
-Beliving you’re too ugly for anyone to ever love
-Not wanting to go to a new school/further education because you know the same thing will happen there
-Having your parents tell you that you’re only being ‘teased’
-Having people wash their hands in disgust if they accidentally touch you.Remember, you don’t have to feel all of these to understand
-Having people say you like someone as a way to gross that someone out
-Never quite trusting anyone.
-Having people ask you out as a dare
-”They’re only making fun of you ‘cause they’re jealous!”
-”He’s only mean to you ‘cause he’s got a crush on you!”
-Having to deal with bullshit ‘zero tolerance’ policies-”hey, my friend thinks you’re cute!”
This. I dealt with almost all of this bullshit all my life and it still haunts me today…
-being told you’re bad at something bc you’re a girl/a freak/who you are even tho they were mocking you the whole time you were trying to do it
-avoiding things in your adult life that people laughed at you for trying to do when you were a kid
-internalizing things about you until ppl tell you later they’re not true. Even then, you don’t believe them
-’ but x ppl don’t do that!’ like ‘girls don’t bully!’ or ‘nice christian kids wouldn’t do that!’
-always secretly being afraid ppl will mock you or are talking about you behind your back, even as an adult
-‘its just sibling rivalry’
-‘they’re just doing it bc they like you’/‘this is just how they express love’
-being asked by adults what you did to deserve such treatment
-blocking out parts of your childhood
-avoiding ppl who are near your age and only wanting to interact with teachers and adults as a child (tho you avoid adults who are unkind to you as well of course, esp if they contributed or one of their kids is the kid that bullies you)
-teachers and adults having no idea how to make ‘everyone play nice with each other’ so they take their exapseration out on you
-being blamed for ‘picking fights’ when you try to defend yourself
-being forced by adults not to fight back
-in the same breath tho they’ll tell you it’s normal for kids to get into fights and be mean to each other
-being told you’re a bad influence on someone’s kid and being barred from being thier friend
-being told by adults that you need to change things about you if you want ppl to like you
-adults straight up joining in on bullying you (calling you names, harassing you over things that annoy them, agreeing with the things the other kids say, creating environments where you’re likely to be bullied, sometimes on purpose to “build character”, etc.)
-all of your friends moving up the social ladder as you grow up and they realize they’re ‘cooler’ than you and the popular kids actually like them
-ppl being nice to you the first day or for a special occasion out of pity, but you know the very next day they’re going to avoid you or treat you like shit just like always
-double binds, like being called fat a lot but then being made fun of for your baggy clothes when you try to obscure your size
-embracing the idea you are innately unlikable and no longer making an effort to make friends or reach out socially
-“focus on your studies. They’ll be working for you when you grow up”
-only caring about school and activities you can do alone
-having no self-esteem at all as an adult
-parroting things you were told as a kid when you’re an adult bc the words never really leave you when you grow up
Call bullying what it is: Abuse.
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