Tag: it’s the onion

theonion:

How To Talk To Your Child About The Election Results

Here’s some advice for talking to your child about the shocking outcome of the 2016 presidential election:

• Children often understand more than we think, so start off by asking them if they have any idea what the fuck is happening.
• Put their mind at ease by confirming that the results of this election aren’t the end of the world in any strictly literal sense.
• Don’t be afraid to openly share your wine with them.
• Avoid touching on any topic that might be distressing to a young child, such as the electoral college.
• Reassure them that no matter what, the adults in their life will always feel obligated to tell them everything’s going to be all right.
• Explain that testosterone is a naturally occurring steroid hormone that makes a person more aggressive and reactive.
• Remind them that one day when they’re older, they’ll understand all of this a lot better and will get to decide for themselves whether or not they should forgive us.
• Acquaint your daughter with the word “motherfucker” to equip her for what lies ahead.
• If they have additional questions, direct them to your Twitter feed.