this whole thing is way too good to be giffed you need to expirience it
There are so many things that are TOP quality about this. The business with the mic rope. The bounding across the stage like an excited puppy or a newsie. The Voice™️ that is so synonymous with John, you know, the voice of a guy who sells ice cream at the soda fountain in the 50’s. The analogy itself.
It’s all so beautiful, such peak humor and content.
Emmy Award Winning™️
I FOUND IT AGAIN.
Here’s the “horse loose in a hospital” bit. Good news, it has closed captioning.
“I DONT REMEMBER THAT IN HAMILTON.” OMG
God I’ve heard so much about this guy and this is my first time actually watching one of his bits. He’s as funny as y’all make him out to be tbh
I don’t wanna name an actual author so let’s just make one up; let’s call her ‘JK Rowling.’ So I’ll fall in love with this author’s work and I’ll ask her, ‘Can we have some happiness?’ And she’ll go, ‘No. They all end up straight or dead.’ And I go, ‘Okaaay!’ And then I go to the bathroom. Then I come out of the bathroom and I go, ‘How about a sequel?’ and she goes ‘Ha, you get one (1) weird play. Now take this shitty play that paints everyone you loved as super out of character and leaves you feeling queerbaited, go fetch!’ And I go ‘Okaaay!’ and I go over to Pottermore and go, ‘Can I have anything please?’ and they go ‘NO!’ And I go ‘Okaaay!’ And they go, ‘Everything JKR does is good because she considers herself a feminist!’ And I go ‘Nooo,’ and they go ‘SAY IT!’ and I go ‘Everything JKR does is good because she considers herself a feminist.’ And then I go over to look at the diversity and representation in Harry Potter, which is an oxymoron, and I go, ‘Can we please have an openly gay character?’ and they go ‘No! In fact, we’re not even going to mention the sexuality of the one (1) gay character we revealed to be gay post canon despite his central roll in the new movie series that we’re pushing at you! And we’re going to support a man who beat his wife instead of listening to the scores of fans who feel hurt and alienated by our decisions!’ And I go ‘Why are you doing this?!’ And they go, ‘Because we’re JK Rowling and Warner Bros, and life is a fucking nightmare!’
Care of Magical Creatures: You need to show dominance over your puppy.
Defense Against the Dark Arts: STREET SMARTS!
Potions: I grabbed it, drank all of it, and said “It’s perfume.”
Flying: Cars were pulling up and looking over to see who just did that piece of shit move, expecting to see like a hundred-year-old blind dog, who’s texting while driving and drinking a smoothie. Instead they see a 28-year-old healthy man trying his best.
Transfiguration: This is an on fire garbage can. Could be a nursery.
History of Magic: That’s like when your gram would be like, “We’d all go play jacks down at the soda fountain!” and you’re like, “No one knows what you’re talking about, you IDIOT.”
Muggle Studies: “I think Emily Dickinson’s a lesbian.” And they’re like, “Partial credit.”
Frog Choir: So we put in seven dollars and selected 21 plays of Tom Jones’ “What’s new pussycat”
ruby-dear archive 