(feel free to add your own favorites)
- “I ate a man alive tonight.”
- “Time to manhandle this…man-handle.”
- “Larry King’s decapitated wax head wants num-nums.”
- “Darn beautiful men, always eating out of the trash…wait, what?”
- “And then he chased me around and spanked me with a paddle for like three hours! Bottom line, George Washington was a jerk.”
- “Jean-Paul Sartre postulated that every living thing is born without reason, prolongs itself out of weakness, and dies by chance.” “Totally righteous, bro!” “I know!”
- “The inflatable pool duck revolution is at hand!”
- “Songs are like hugs that mouths give to ears!”
- “Are you sick of piles of owls constantly blocking your driveway?! Well then you gotta get Owl Trowel!”
- “You deserve a prize. Here, have a head that’s always screaming!”
- “Studies show that keeping a ladder in the house is more dangerous than a loaded gun. That’s why I own ten guns–in case some maniac tries to sneak in a ladder!”
- “Old Man McGucket, local kook. Are the wax figures alive, and–follow-up question–can I survive the wax-figure uprising?”
“Wh-what’s that? Crombie? Crombie. That’s not a word. You’re losing your mind.”
“I’m a boy now! Wassup bro? Let’s grow some moustaches!”
“It’s better this way for Paper Jam Dipper.”
“I ate a salamander and jumped out of the window!”
“Always sassafrassing the customers with their boomy boxes and disrespectful short pants!”
“Llamas are nature’s greatest warriors.”
“Bill Dipper! Bipper!”
“Razzle Dazzle! It’s me, the Razz-Dazzler!”
“I ain’t nobody’s gam-gam, sucka!”
-“And that’s why we don’t stick our hands in *singing* other people’s mouths!”
-“Count Lionel?! What is HE doing here!” (“I’ve come to reclaim my bride!”) “What? YOU HAD YOUR CHANCE AT THE COTILLION, YOU!” (“You had your chance at the cotillion, you!”) “THATS WHAT IM SAYIN!”
-“I smell… *dramatic pan* emotional issues.”
-“YOUR MATH IS NO MATCH FOR MY GUN, YOU IDIOT!”
-*witnessing his worst nightmare* “You’ve become your father.”
-“The dance floor is a mine field! A mine field, Tyrone!”
-“Ugh, we’re behind that old guy. He’s probably going to pay with pennies, or war bonds or something.”
-“Woah, that’s amazing! And morally ambiguous!”“Waddles, you got it good, bro. You got no worries. I mean, nobody thinks it’s cute when I lie naked on the living room floor.”
*throws TV out the window* “Uuuhhh… couldn’t find the remote.”
– “Its like if coffee and nightmares had a baby.”
– “Are you sick of owls constantly blocking your driveway?”
– “Am I a man? Am I a baby? These are legitimate questions.”
– “Who wants to put on some blindfolds and get into my car!?”“Ha! I did that with my mouth!”
“Oh I’ll hold my horses—you monster…”
“Onwards, Aoshima!”
“But you are on fire” “Yes it’s much more efficient than shaving.”
“DIPPER, MY FACE IS ON FIRE!”
“IT WORKS FOR PIIIIIIIIIIIIGS!”
“Wanna see my impression of you in 5 seconds?” *incoherent screaming*
“The important thing is we defeated him twice.” “Once with kittens and once with tickles!” “It was a lot more heroic than it sounds.”
Tag: quotes
hamilton characters as actual things said in my class
alexander hamilton: 17 is the best number of all time and anyone who contradicts can meet me in the pit
aaron burr: oh no please don’t do this ill kinkshame you
john laurens: [about our class turtle] he’s beauty he’s grace he’s mr. turtnited states
lafayette: [screeches] MINI CROISSAAAAAAAAAANTS
hercules mulligan: my scarf protects me from harm
george washington: if you call me daddy again i will literally kick your ass
angelica schuyler: [2 hours late to school] sorry feminism called
eliza schuyler: dont worry, its my sole purpose in life to be overlooked
peggy schuyler: merp
king george: [in swivel chair] PUSH ME AROUND TINY PEASANTS
thomas jefferson: talk french to me english can go fuck itself
james madison: if i was a mcdonalds order i would be a milkshake and small cry
philip hamilton: [puts hands up] i am the sun
maria reynolds: the answer is me cause im a ten bitches
things ive heard people say in class:
- “what if i just straight up break down in class and scare the shit out of ms neo so that she’ll postpone the test?”
- “is it too early if i have a breakdown in january?” “its the second week, man.” “i know.”
- “let’s all just collectively skip the national exams, fuck the system!” *aggressive cheering*
- in a really choked up voice, “i have rights.”
- “what if i become a monk? do monks have to take exams?”
- “in this context, what does ‘rapid’ mean?” “FAST AND FURIOUS”
- “did y’all do the chem homework?” *collective ‘no’s* “alright, good. nobody be a wimp and do their homework, alright? if we’re fucked, we’re all fucked together.”
- “wait, you mean to say that this school still teach fun stuff like music??”
- *scandalised gasp* “you stole my circle template’s virginity!” “all i did was hook a finger through one of the holes!” “exactly!”
- “i bought this $2 knee guard just because i want to pretend that i’m injured so that i can sit out of PE.” [slides knee guard on] “i have three consecutive tests after this and lord knows i need all the extra study time that i can get.”
- in an increasingly panicked voice, “i can’t just do my lit homework in 30mins!” “well, i did.” “what did you put for characterisation and further analysis?” “i said the protagonist was a fuckboy, and then proceeded to write 3 paragraphs and a conclusion consisting of utter bullshit on why he’s a fuckboy.”
- “don’t they call people from Germany, germanese?” said by a top student.
- “i think i’m a hermaphrodite.”
- “fuck, i hate this. can i just be an escort? or have like 67 sugar daddies?”
- in the middle of physics class: “i’m leaving, i’m fucking leaving. i’m going down to the canteen to buy takeouts of 3 fishball noodles. y’all want anything?”
- “i want the saddest pepe the frog meme you can find as our class logo.”
- “i found a salsa dip in my bag, anyone have some chips?” [a girl sighs, puts down her calculator and reaches into her sports bag] “i do.”
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