Tag: ruby speaks

you know, i can totally believe like, half the college stories i’ve heard, just from one day

for example, here are some choice quotes from one of yesterday’s classes:

“Look at this puppy. Look at this poor little puppy. He’s dying. Save him. …And that’s why we need tax reform.”

“They’re like, ‘YOU NEVER TAKE OUT THE FUCKING GARBAGE!’, and you’re like, ‘Oh, it’s about the garbage.’”
“Why the fuck is there a baby in the road? Just pick up the baby!”
“’Imagine a world of thought!’ It’s like, no. What the fuck are you saying?”

And, my personal favorite:

(about the textbook) “I’m gonna put this next to the trash where it belongs.”

i have to go last-minute school supplies shopping, and i can’t find the hairbrush, so i wake up my mother and ask “Hey, where’s the hairbrush?”

“It’s in the medicine cabinet,” she says, irritably, like everyone and their fucking dog should know

“WHY IS IT IN THE MEDICINE CABINET? IT’S CALLED A MEDICINE CABINET, NOT A HAIRBRUSH CABINET!”