Here you go: SU x QE crossover magic
This is a parody comic I made for myself to hand out at SDCC2018 and isn’t official so don’t sweat the small stuff!
Many thanks to ghostdigits for her help. She is my spell checker extraordinaire and listened to me bounce ideas around in the eleventh hour while I worried if I ever knew anything about comedy in the first place. Hahaha…haha….aaa.… go, fight, win/finish a comic!
steven universe is the only show that’d present you this and expect you to either take it seriously or proceed to lose your goddamn shit over it for the next 10 hours
Shit my shoulder
I fucking love bees
Is that legit her voice actress or what?!
Yeah. She did a bunch of NPC voices for Grand Theft Auto V
Before Steven was born Amethyst used to say ‘fuck’ all the time & so when he was a baby Greg had to sit her down and explain that she has to stop swearing around Steven because he’s young & impressionable
So Amethyst is like “but that’s my favourite word, when will be stop being young & impressionable so I can say it again??”
And Greg is like “uhh I don’t know, 15 I guess? 15 is probably old enough”
“Got it”
flash forward to Steven’s fifteenth birthday and he is woken at dawn by Amethyst yelling “wake the FUCK up Steven it’s FUCKING TIME”
& he spends the entire day losing his mind
Steven: w-what’s happening
Garnet: *deadpan* Amethyst just got her favourite word back
Amethyst: *running around the house* FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK
Greg: what’s going on
Amethyst: you said once Steven was 15 I could say fuck again
Greg, who only hazily recalls the conversation in question: ……i DID?
Amethyst: *runs outside* FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK *distant sounds of spooked birds*
Pearl: Steven the *whispering* F-word is a bad word that Amethyst USED to say before-
Steven: I know what fuck means Pearl
Amethyst: *stopping dead in her tracks* WHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATT??
Pearl: who taught you that word mister!!
Steven: um… Lars and Sadie… *mumbling* five years ago…
Amethyst: I’ve been denying myself my favourite word for FIVE YEARS for NOTHING??
Greg: uh even if he knows what it means it’s still not really appropriate for you t-
Amethyst: *running outside* FFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCK
Steven: …
Greg: …
Pearl: …
Garnet: …*quietly* fuck
Everyone else: O_O
Garnet: what. I missed it too
also Amethyst made a banner that says HAPPY FUCKING BIRTHDAY STEVEN in very large writing
Connie: what’s going on
Steven: Amethyst is allowed to say fuck now
Connie: oh! are we all allowed to say fuck now??
Greg & Pearl in unison: NO!!
Peridot: what’s fuck
My personal headcanon is that there is a list of words Amethyst is not allowed to say in front of Steven.
Vidalia taught her about half of them. Amethyst has shared this list with Peridot.If asked about why she did so, Amethyst would insist that is was to make sure Peri didn’t use them in case she had already picked them up from elsewhere. Everyone knows this is a transparent lie and that she just really wanted to hear Peridot discovering human swear words.
By Gem standards Peridot already swears like a sailor.
Not only does Peri swear like a sailor, when Amethyst teaches her earth swear words Peridot gives her the Home World equivalent.
When Pearl overhears the “lesson” she starts to get upset. Only to told it was an important cultural exchange in order to prevent mishaps when speaking between visiting gems in the future. One wouldn’t want to accidentally call someone a dusty hunk of
coprolite would they?I swear, it’s like Pearl doesn’t care about the Crystal Gems being able to conduct proper diplomacy. Knowing what words not to say is very important. 😉
I hc that Peri has the saltiest mouth, but her curses are always arranged in the strangest and most nonsensical ways way. “shut ur fuck” “what the bitch” “I’m so done with this ass” “hot hell”, etc.
Before Steven was born Amethyst used to say ‘fuck’ all the time & so when he was a baby Greg had to sit her down and explain that she has to stop swearing around Steven because he’s young & impressionable
So Amethyst is like “but that’s my favourite word, when will be stop being young & impressionable so I can say it again??”
And Greg is like “uhh I don’t know, 15 I guess? 15 is probably old enough”
“Got it”
flash forward to Steven’s fifteenth birthday and he is woken at dawn by Amethyst yelling “wake the FUCK up Steven it’s FUCKING TIME”
& he spends the entire day losing his mind
Steven: w-what’s happening
Garnet: *deadpan* Amethyst just got her favourite word back
Amethyst: *running around the house* FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK
Greg: what’s going on
Amethyst: you said once Steven was 15 I could say fuck again
Greg, who only hazily recalls the conversation in question: ……i DID?
Amethyst: *runs outside* FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK *distant sounds of spooked birds*
Pearl: Steven the *whispering* F-word is a bad word that Amethyst USED to say before-
Steven: I know what fuck means Pearl
Amethyst: *stopping dead in her tracks* WHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATT??
Pearl: who taught you that word mister!!
Steven: um… Lars and Sadie… *mumbling* five years ago…
Amethyst: I’ve been denying myself my favourite word for FIVE YEARS for NOTHING??
Greg: uh even if he knows what it means it’s still not really appropriate for you t-
Amethyst: *running outside* FFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCK
Steven: …
Greg: …
Pearl: …
Garnet: …*quietly* fuck
Everyone else: O_O
Garnet: what. I missed it too
also Amethyst made a banner that says HAPPY FUCKING BIRTHDAY STEVEN in very large writing
Connie: what’s going on
Steven: Amethyst is allowed to say fuck now
Connie: oh! are we all allowed to say fuck now??
Greg & Pearl in unison: NO!!
Peridot: what’s fuck
Amethyst: *whispers in Peridot’s ear*
Peridot: huh. if anything that raises further questions.
Connie: because I’m not allowed to say fuck at my house so I’d really appreciate it if I could say fuck here-
Pearl: NO ONE IS ALLOWED TO SAY FUCK!!
Everyone else: ……………….
Steven, Amethyst & Connie: *losing their minds* OHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!
Bismuth: I’ve only had Peridot for a day and a half, but if anything happened to her I’d shatter everyone and then myself.
[Steven] Mom was a Diamond who invaded Earth,
Saw its beauty and its worth.
Mom made an army and she fought herself
Did that even end up mattering when she faked her own shattering?Mom lived in hiding by the name of Rose
With the friends she’d made and the form she chose
Now all that’s left of her exists in me
And I think that we can all agreeThat is a little bit upsetting
I’d rather think about a wedding!Let’s think about cake, let’s think about flowers
Let’s think about dressing up and dancing around for hours
There’s an awful lot of awful things we could be thinking of
But for just one day, let’s only think about love[dialogue interlude]
[Steven] We could think about lies that we told in the past
[Pearl] They took it so hard
[Steven] We could think about hurt feelings and how long they can last
[Pearl] How can we move on?
[Steven] Or we could think about hope ([Pearl] Hope?)
You know I’ve been hoping ([Pearl] About what?)That everything’s better now everything’s out in the open
[dialogue interlude]
We could think about flowers, we could think about cake
We could think about wonderful promises we have the power to make
There’s an awful lot of awful things we could be thinking of
But for just one day, let’s only think about love![dialogue interlude]
We could all rethink how we feel about Rose
When it comes to Pink, and the things that she did in the past, I suppose([Amethyst] Yeah)
Or we could both feel better, ‘cause we could think about how
We could think about us and we could think about now.[dialogue interlude]
…but for just one day, let’s only think about…
We could think about war, we could think about fighting
We could think about long-lost friends we wish we were inviting
We could think about the broken gems in the Cluster at the planet’s core
Or we could think about the bubble we madeSo that they can’t be hurt any, they can’t be hurt anymore
We could think about joy, we could think about pain
We could think about sunshine, we could think about rain
There’s an awful lot of awful things we could be thinking of
But for just one day, let’s only think about…Just one day, let’s only think about…
Just one day, let’s only think about…
Loooooooove!
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